Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
