I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize