How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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