When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have fence marks all over my body
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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