her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
