We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize