I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
