so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
