That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
