I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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