This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I look better un-naked...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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