My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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