You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just forgot I was standing up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
