Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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