when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
