I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize