If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My penis needs a shock collar
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
