I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
