bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
