after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
