How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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