you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
