Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
