i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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