In the future we'll all be gay
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
