My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
