she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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