Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can't special order awesome
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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