I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My vagina is officially offended.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
