I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize