My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
