idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
