I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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