Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
