how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We got so high we made milksteak
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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