So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
