I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
