Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't deserve a penis
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
