Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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