One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
