Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
