I think i sorta joined a cult last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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