Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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