so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
