CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
