9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
