You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
