Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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