you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
high people should be assigned attendants
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
