I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
