I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize