Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
