He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
