Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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