I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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