what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
