haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
