he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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