she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't put those talents on a resume
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
