Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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