THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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