I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
