Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
