Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She bit a glass in half.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
