I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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