the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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