I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
