Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
