I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
