And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
