He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize