Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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