Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
