So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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