Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
