Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
