Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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