hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
