last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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