I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
