OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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