Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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