when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize