You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
