you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
