i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
