Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
