I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
