I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
