Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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