I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
