ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
