who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
