I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
