i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Boobs are out for the taking
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
