She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want her autograph on my taint
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize