Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
