I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
