He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
