but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
