i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
