ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
