You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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