What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
