I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
